omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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