We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
