take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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