So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
