Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
