You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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