he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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