just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
