today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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