last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
