I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
