I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
