Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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