He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
