he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
