closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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