if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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