i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
