No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
