If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She needs sedatives and a leash
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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