I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
