At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
