you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I need water and some morals
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm both gender and math confused
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
