Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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