I will die if light touches me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
