There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
where am i from again
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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