i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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