I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
