fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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