I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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