I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
