He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
