i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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