do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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