Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
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I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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