so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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