hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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