I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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