my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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