Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
