I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
