pop tarts are not kleenex
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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