he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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