I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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