My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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