you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize