Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
