i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
