so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
