are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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