sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
