Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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