I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
