My cat gives me a boner
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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