I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
