I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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