You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
