Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
