in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
