I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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