The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
