he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
