Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
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