just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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