Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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