what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They took my balls.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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