im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
