this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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