She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
