super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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