He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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