I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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